New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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