Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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