This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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