i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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