So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
