can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
