She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
