Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
