One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
