i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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