So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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