Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
