you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
