so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
