I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
