just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
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My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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