You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
