I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
