I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
