does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
