I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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