i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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