i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
