this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
