You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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