i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
