apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
