I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
