I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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