u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
