i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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