dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
