i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
