So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
