Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
