My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
