I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
