so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
