Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
