Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize