So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
