Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
