just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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