Already got asked if we're dating
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
