??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
