go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
