Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
