3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
