You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
