You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
even my farts smell like vagina
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
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You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.