Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention