Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots