I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
