Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
