Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
