she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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