I'm eating all of the evidence.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
