remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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