She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
