i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
