pop tarts are not kleenex
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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