Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
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Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
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Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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