did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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