how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So many bounce houses so little time
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
