Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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