she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
