I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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