my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
