i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
