dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
