quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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