who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
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Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
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It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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