i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have fence marks all over my body
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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