My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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