This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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