Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
