problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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