You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
