I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
