I think I died a long time ago.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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