Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have demons in me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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