Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
