i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
