Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
