i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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