fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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