if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
