did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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