I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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