he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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