She went from zero to smokin in five shots
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
