Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
