cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
