Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
